


Spock is Secretly a Little Shit and Uhura is Egging Him on

by ughdotcom



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Also I prefer TOS, But I just watched AOS so all the characters look AOS in my head so if any one is OOC for TOS, Chekov is batshit terrified of Spock, Don't copy to another site, Getting Together, I don't know if this works in the TOS timeline but it sure as hell doesn't work in the AOS timeline, I feel like Uhura is really OOC, M/M, T'hy'la, that's why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23147998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: Chekov, new to the Enterprise: Can I get a sip of that water?Spock, who is drinking water, but has decided to fuck with this ensign just because he can and also Uhura bet him: It's not water.Chekov: Vodka?Spock: It's vinegar.Chekov: ...Spock: ...Chekov: ...Spock: pussy.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 10
Kudos: 169





	Spock is Secretly a Little Shit and Uhura is Egging Him on

It was just a coincidence that Chekov joined the Enterprise after that conversation Spock had with Uhura. It was a coincidence, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have effects on Chekov.

The first time Spock and Chekov interacted off the bridge was in the empty at the time rec room. “Hey, can I get a sip of that water?” Chekov carelessly said to the person near him.

Spock raised an eyebrow. Normally he would have told off Chekov, but he remembered Uhura’s words, “you couldn’t mess with anyone”. And he had been meaning to update his proficiency at lying.

“It isn’t water.”

“Vodka?”

“It’s vinegar.”

Chekov stared at Spock. Spock stared back.

“Pussy.”

Chekov’s eyes widened and he ran off. Spock raised an eyebrow. Done very well, if he did say so himself.

* * *

  
  


“Nyota, I may have scarred Ensign Chekov for life due to your unfortunate comment about me not being able to mess with anyone.”

“Oh, Spock. What did you say?”

Spock relayed his words to her, and she laughed. “Normally I would say that you should tell Chekov the context, but I’m tempted to help you scare him. Also, I’m pretty sure Kirk counts him almost as his son, so that should help once you get with Kirk and become Chekov’s mom.”

“I am not sure what I should ask about, what ‘getting with’ means, or why I would take the role of a female parent in Ensign Chekov’s life.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Every time he interacted with Mr. Spock Chekov became more afraid of him. Once when he asked Spock for what Spock thought when no one was in earshot except Uhura he said “I think I could snap it’s spine without very much difficulty, Mr. Chekov.” Once when he was watching Spock and Uhura practice fight he heard Uhura say:

“You think you can beat me?”

And Spock returned with: “I do not think, Lieutenant Uhura. I know.”

Chekov did not think that the rest of the ship was nearly as terrified of Spock as he was, but he thought they should be.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Hello, Ensign.” Spock welcomed Chekov into the same empty rec room as the vinegar comment.

“Hi, Chekov.”

“Hello, Mr. Spock. Hello, Lt. Uhura.”

As Chekov pulled out a deck of cards to play solitaire until Sulu arrived Uhura and Spock resumed their conversation in Vulcan.

“Au tor t’nash-veh t’hy’la.” Spock said matter of factly.

“What do you mean he’s your t’hy’la?”

Chekov stopped playing to listen to their conversation. He didn’t know what t’hy’la meant, but it seemed important. Plus, he was behind Spock’s back. There was no way Spock would know he was listening.

“I mean what I said, Nyota. And you might want to resume in Vulcan, as Chekov is listening in.”

“Du aitlun tor pahth ish-veh? Fam dvun?” Uhura said, which meant “you want to scare him? Still?”

“Riolozhikaik tor pehkaya.” Spock replied, meaning “Illogical to stop”, although what he meant was that he didn’t want to explain to Kirk.

Chekov finished gathering his cards and left the rec room, where he ran into Sulu.

“Aren’t we supposed to be meeting in there?”

“Mr. Spock and Lt. Uhura seem to be having a personal conversation.”

“In English?”

“No, in Vulcan.”

“Then why can’t we play in-”

“Because Mr. Spock scares me. Does anyone on the ship besides Uhura speak Vulcan?”

“I don’t know.”

“Great. Can I find translations on my PADD?”

“Possibly.”

“Thank you, Hikaru.” Chekov ran off.

“Pavel! Pavel, what about poker!” But Chekov was already on his way to his quarters to ask his PADD what t’hy’la meant. Sulu was left behind wondering how Spock intimidated Chekov, but not Uhura.

When he arrived he asked what it meant.

“T’hy’la. No English alternative. Closest approximation: soulmate.”

Chekov flopped back in his chair. Soulmate. Who could they be talking about? There was only one person on board that could even come close to being Spock’s soulmate.

Captain Kirk.

In other words, Chekov’s father figure was the soulmate of the one person who terrified Chekov even more than anything, including Klingons and dying in the vast expanse of space.

Святое гребаное дерьмо.

* * *

  
  
  


“I believe the alien is trying to intimidate us.” Kirk said.

“He is not succeeding very well, Captain. His insults intimidating me has as much chance as me intimidating Mr. Sulu.”

“He’s right.” Sulu said,

“No comment on how intimidation was invented in Russia, Mr. Chekov?” Kirk joked.

“No, sir. I’m actually quite sure it was invented on Vulcan.”

Time seemed to freeze. Uhura looked at Spock with a familiar look of “oh no”.

“Mr. Chekov, may you please elaborate on that.”

Chekov shook his head and glanced fearfully at Spock, who looked as close as a Vulcan could look to wanting to be anywhere but there. “Captain I would prefer not to.”

“Captain, in Mr. Chekov’s defense, I do not think he could elaborate.”

“Spock.” Kirk sighed. “You’re explaining this to me.”

“Later, Captain. We have an alien to deal with.”

“Of course, Mr. Spock.”

After they had escaped the alien, Kirk, Spock, and Chekov all got on the lift.

“So, Mr. Spock, do you care to explain why Mr. Chekov looks terrified of you?”

“Nyota- Lt. Uhura made me a bet I could not, in her words ‘mess with anyone’. After that conversation she may have encouraged me to continue ‘messing with’ him.”

“Spock.” Kirk sighed.

“So you weren’t actually drinking vinegar?”

“I was not actually drinking vinegar.”

“So you aren’t as scary as you appear to be.”

Spock glared at him. “I am exactly as scary as I appear to be.”

“Oh. Okay. I was going to ask why you think Captain Kirk is your t’hy’la, but” Chekov clamped his hands over his mouth and pressed the button for the floor they were nearing, stumbling out and running away the minute they reached it.

“Spock.”

Spock, bright green, turned to Jim. “Yes, Captain.”

“What does t’hy’la mean?”

“I do not think you want to know.”

“Spock.”

Spock mumbled something under his breath.

“Spock, isn’t mumbling illogical?” Jim teased.

“The closest approximation in english is soulmate, Captain.”

“Okay, listen. I don’t really think that you can call me ‘Captain’ after telling me you’re my soulmate.”

“I am sorry, Jim. I shall request a transfer.” he looked at the floor.

“Spock.” Spock looked up. Jim had extended his first and middle fingers.

“Jim.”

“Requesting a transfer would assume I mind.” Jim smiled.

Spock reached out with his index and middle finger and connected them with Jim’s, taking a step forward. “Yes. It would.”

“Quite illogical of you.”

“Quite.” One of them leaned forward and initiated a human kiss with the other.

The doors slid open, and they tangled their hands together as they walked to Jim’s quarters.

* * *

  
  
  


“I know you’re against the idea, but why can’t we make Pavel the flower girl?”

“Pavel is not a girl, nor young enough to fill this. Also I do not know why you would deprive Joanna of this pleasure.”

“Joanna is too old to be a flower girl also.”

“Yes, but at least she is the optimal gender.”

“Can you believe we don’t know any children young enough for the role?”

“I am not surprised, as our siblings do not have children, and neither do we. Except your nephew, who is also not the gender or age to be a flower girl.”

“Can we please ask Pavel to be the flower girl? He’s practically our son.”

“I suppose that would be satisfactory.”

“Thank you.” Jim pressed a kiss to Spock’s cheek. “I love you.”

“And I you.”


End file.
